I am not Submissive!
by Chronos Astral
Summary: Naruto was a nice guy. A little too nice, at times, for his own good. So then how will he take being the living teddy bear of the girls of his life?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

**_"I am not Submissive!"_****_  
_**_by Chronos Astral_

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto, 18 years of age, Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, Konoha Jounin, Number One Most Surprising Ninja, most likely candidate for next Hokage, and one of the strongest and finest Konohagakure no Sato has to offer, had absolutely no freaking idea how this was happening. 

Within the blanket of night, within the roomy confines of his generous home, he was surrounded on all sides, arms, legs, and even torso locked in place, rooted firmly to the spot with no means of escape. Despite the air-conditioned ventilation of the modest chamber, he could feel sweat dripping off him in gallons, anxiety and fear etched in his scowl. He was, in the literal sense of the word, in a bind, boxed in by a most formidable opponent.

_'How did this happen!?'_ He mentally screamed, finding no will to speak it, afraid of the repercussions of making a sound amid the stifling silence.

His thoughts traced back to the events of that afternoon when, as Shikamaru could better voice, the 'Trouble' began.

* * *

Naruto felt one of his famous grins creeping up. Being a Jounin meant better ranked missions. Better ranked missions meant better pay. Better pay meant better lodging. Which would explain why he was standing before a modest though larger than normal abode with a grin of triumph, watching as his shadow clones entered and exited the residence lugging various belongings and furniture. 

With his recent savings (and _minor_ prodding of the Hokage) he had finally been able to afford this new home which was hands down hell of a lot better than his beat-up rundown apartment which he had lived in for the most of his life. He wasn't going to miss the place either.

The two-story Western home was large, almost massive even, located in a quiet spacious suburbia in Konoha. Game room, training room, lovely garden (Good zen too), cable tv, spacious living room, nice decor, what more could he ask for. It's even got a _pool_! A freakin'_ pool_! He's always wanted a pool.

The color of the exterior was a modest white, stylish windows littering its sides. '_White?_' The blond thought. '_Can't have that. I'll have to get to work on painting it orange!_'. With that set on his mental to-do list, he entered his new home, admiring the design work of the building. His feet padded audibly on the wooden flooring, along with the sounds of other many footsteps, courtesy of his clones.

"You, setting up the picture!" He addressed the clone crouching horizontally on the wall, straightening a rather detailed painting of a bowl of ramen. "Don't get shoeprints all over the wall!"

"Yes, boss!" He saluted and resumed his work.

Naruto inspected the training room he specifically requested. It was a large room with traditional tatami mats spread out on the floor, plain white interior, numerous scrolls, wooden targets, and weapons made for practice lain about. Satisfied he proceeded to the stairs, removed his sandals at the base and traversed over to the second floor where the smooth carpet flooring brushed the skin of his bare feet.

To his right was the entrance to his new bedroom which he had an air-conditioner installed, a device from Sunagakure that regulated the temperature in a room. His new pad housed a silky king-sized lavender bed fit for seven with an abundant amount of fluffy grey pillows arranged neatly on top of it. Across from his grand mattress was a high-quality television set equipped with a surround sound stereo system outfitted all around the room. Naruto resisted the urge to cry in sheer joy.

On the sides of the room were closet doors large enough to fit all his clothes and sleepwear as well as a few other personal belongings. The floor was fitted with a rather inviting grey rug surface that felt soft to the touch. Another door led to a very clean bathroom with an invitingly large tub. He couldn't wait to try this one out.

Everything looked to be in order. The clever management of his savings as well as a few investment plans (with help from Shikamaru) he was more than capable to have afforded such an impressive house with plenty left over for other items. It was no Hyuuga mansion, but it sure beat the hell out of his old apartment home (three times over!). Being a Jounin rocked!

After a few more hours of work, he had finally finished moving in all his things, ready to settle in for the day. He was cut-off by the sound of his doorbell ringing. '_I have a doorbell!? Sweet!_'. Filing this in his 'cool-stuff-my-house-has' list, he made his way downstairs, dismissing his clones along the way. He raced excitedly to the form of his first guest. "Sakura-chan?"

Haruno Sakura had grown much more beautiful over the years, letting her exotic pink hair grow a little more to her shoulders, her eyes an alluring emerald green. In this time she had also honed her medical-ninja skills, becoming one of Konoha's great medic-nins, second only to her master, Tsunade, and on par with Tsunade's other apprentice, Shizune. Today was her day off, seeing as she wore more casual clothing. "Hey, Naruto. Is this your new house?"

The blond grinned at her former teammate. "Yup! Neat huh?"

She stared at the building in wonder. "Wow... You must be loaded to have afforded this..."

"I get by..." He said, still grinning.

The pinkette leaned in slightly, a bit of mischief sparkling in her eyes. "So... Are you gonna have a party?"

Naruto's eyebrows perked in query. "A party?"

"Of course. In commemoration of moving to your new lovely home."

"I haven't thought of that..." He put a finger to his chin, thinking the aspect over. "I haven't really settled in yet, but I guess I can-"

"That's great!" She cheered, not waiting for him to finish. The girl gave a loud whistle, which had summoned a crowd from out of nowhere. "Party at Naruto's!!!"

The crowd roared in approval and stampeded inside of the home, nearly trampling Naruto, who had wisely stepped away from the rushing group. In a panic, the boy swiveled his head through the door and was met with horror. The sound system had been turned on to some _very loud_ music, with a large number of people chatting and dancing on his perfectly polished floor. There were food and drinks being served, mostly brought by the group. '_Were they planning this!? By Kami, there're crumbs **everywhere!**_' His mind screamed bloody murder at the copious amounts of sake set for drinking. He ran outside, fearing that they had touched the pool. His fears were confirmed, seeing that they were already wading and playing in the chlorine waters.

He rushed back inside, trying to find Sakura within the crowd. "Sakura-chan!" He called out, trying to beat the volume of the music. He spotted a tuft of pink within the midst of the crowd and pulled her in. "Sakura-chan, what's going on!?"

"Sorry!" She grinned sheepishly. "We girls were planning to party at my place at first, but it was being renovated, so we decided for your place instead!"

"You _'girls'_!?" He looked around the room once more, finding not a single male, only familiar female faces.

He had spotted a few of his friends. Yamanaka Ino, a blonde like he was, with amazing beauty and exquisite body, but equipped with a fiery aggression and mind jutsus set to literally mess with the minds of anyone willing to cross her. Hyuuga Hinata, the lovely heiress of the Hyuuga line, adorably shy yet fiercely strong and loyal. TenTen, a girl of some Chinese descent, was the captivating weapons mistress of Konoha, fit with not only a graceful physique but with a deadly arsenal of weapons. Sabaku no Temari, the Suna representative for Konoha, a hot-tempered kunoichi with a dynamite figure, was the Suna representative of Konoha as well as the older sibling of the Godaime Kazekage, Sabaku no Gaara. Then there was also Hyuuga Hanabi, the more refined and reserved sister of Hinata, who was blooming into a mature and beautiful teen.

There were also other faces as well like Ichiraku Ayame, the attractive daughter of the ramen chef Ichiraku Teuchi. There was also Haku, a girl who had initially claimed herself to be boy, was spared by Naruto in their fight, and now resembled Tsunami, mother of one of Naruto's younger friends, Inari. Tsuchi Kin was also amongst them, who thankfully enough had escaped Orochimaru's clutches before Naruto found her nearly dead. The same went for the foul-mouthed redhead that was Tayuya, whom Naruto had also brought back to Konoha to be nursed to health. Mitarashi Anko was presently drinking sake and eating dango, two of the eccentric Tokubetsu Jounin's favorite pastimes. Shizune, the Godaime Hokage's first apprentice, was also there, trying to reject the Jounin's offers to drink with her and failing.

The others he barely knew, but they constantly commented on how cute he was, seeing as he bore a great resemblance to the Yondaime Hokage. Short spiked blond hair that jetted to the sides instead of upwards like in his youth, whiskers that gave him an animalistic and exotic trait, deep cerulean eyes, and a charming facet that had a more childish touch than a mature masculine one. Add that to the fact that he was shorter than most males his age, the way he was called 'cute' translated as 'adorable' to him and thus irked him.

Naruto slumped down. He was never one to back down from a party, hell he was usually the life of the party, but this was just plain _trespassing_! But he couldn't bring himself to ruin all the fun either. He still had the reputation of being a grand party thrower to keep. With a deep sigh, he resigned himself to fate. So what if it was an all girls party? He owned the damn place anyway.

"Oi_ii_i... Naru-ch_aa_ann..." A drunken slur addressed him in a disturbingly familiar way. An arm rested on his shoulder, feeling the weight of a person going down with it. The face of Mitarashi Anko peeked out from behind him and laid her head on his other shoulder, her sake-laced breath tickling his cheek. "Aren't you having fun, Naru-chan?"

That tone just spoke trouble in _volumes_. "Err... Somewhat?"

_Bad_ answer.

"Now we can't have that..." She purred, pressing her cheek against his. He could smell a hint of lilac amid the strong scent of alcohol that lingered into his nose. The woman lowered her tone to a seductive whisper. "How about I _show_ you some _fun_?"

The way she said 'show' and 'fun' in the same sentence sent his mind reeling into _unpleasant_ thoughts. The way she licked the ridge of his whisker marks didn't help any.

"Bathroom!" He squeaked and swiftly detached himself from the intoxicated Jounin to bound towards a nearby restroom.

Which, unfortunately, was locked.

This was going to be a long day...

* * *

After hours of partying, twilight fell, settling into a dark night sky. The party-goers had left his home, forsaking the new abode with what looked to have been the aftermath of leaving wild monkeys unattended. A rather abundant amount of trash lay strewn about his living room, stains and smudges all over his new floor. Empty plastic cups and plates were left to rot and pile on the tables and couches. 

The boy broke into a comically depressing sob. "So much to clean! They even left without so much as a 'Thanks for the party, Naruto!' or 'Sorry about the mess, Naruto!' or 'We appreciate your hospitality, Naruto!'. I didn't even get to eat any of the ramen, Ayame-chan brought!!" Seeing that sinking into deeper depression and outrage only made him much more tired after the events of that day, he decided to leave the cleaning for tomorrow and turn in early.

He shambled tiredly up the stairs, thanking Kami almighty that there was no mess to be seen on the second floor. He figured no one had thought of going upstairs. His thoughts were dashed by the sounds of activity coming from his bedroom.

'_What the-?_' Years of being a ninja taught him to be more wary of his surroundings before proceeding. He put an ear to the door, trying to make out the noise emanating from within. He heard the distinct blaring of his sound system going of lightly, followed by what he could make out as someone going through his stuff.

'_Aw, **hell** no_!' Steeling himself, he braced the knob of the door and opened it, revealing the trespassers.

"Wha-?" He was surprised to find the closest of his female friends within.

TenTen, Temari, Hanabi, Hinata, and Haku were sitting idly on the floor, watching what appeared to be an old movie about samurai and whatnot on his large new television. Sakura, Ino, Kin, and Shizune were sprawled on his bed, having a relatively pleasant conversation. Anko and Tayuya busied themselves with searching his belongings, looking through both closet and drawer for Kami-knows-what.

Anko and Tayuya seemed to be the only ones who had acknowledged his presence, with the purple-haired snake girl speaking up first in a more sober pitch as she rummaged through another cabinet. "What's this, Naru-chan? I haven't found any naughty things in your stuff at all."

"Yeah, dork, where'dya keep your porn?" Said the more brash and straightforward redhead, Tayuya.

Naruto went red at this and cried in defense. "I-I don't have any of that stuff! I'm not a pervert like Ero-Sennin!"

Tayuya, who doubted him somewhat, walked closer to the blond and leaned her face directly into his to glower at him. Naruto began to sweat nervously under her intense scrutiny and proximity. Like all the other girls he's known, the redhead had become quite beautiful over the years, having gotten rid of her silly-looking hat and Oto battle garb, and styling her red mane a little. With that added to how her choice of clothing exposed some of her fine cleavage and how she was unknowingly showing even more by leaning down had made him a human tomato.

Her cursed seal was gone though, as well as Anko's, with most of the credit going to Naruto, who had put up quite an effort to study how to remove it. With over one year and the help of at least thousands of shadow clones, he had found a way to completely erase the seal. Having Jiraiya take care of the sealing himself, the process was successful, severing their ties with the Snake Sannin, much to their gratitude. They had become good friends ever since.

Even though Tayuya had picked the name 'dork' as her nickname for him.

"Alright, I can see that you're not lyin'." Tayuya admitted, giving Naruto some space. "Though it just makes you more of a dork than you already are. What kind of guy are you?"

"What's that supposed to mean!?" Naruto demanded. "I'm a full-fledged man! I'm not a pervert either!"

"Shh!" TenTen shushed him absently, intently focused on the movie's climax. "Keep it down, Naruto. It's getting to the good part."

The blond twitched in annoyance at the nerve these girls were showing. He _lived_ here and they were telling him what to keep quiet, because they were watching a movie in his own television!? "Hey-!"

"**Sshhh!!**" He was silenced again, this time with the combined efforts of TenTen, Temari, and Hanabi. He thought of pressing on, but seeing that he was already exhausted and he knew that he couldn't win, he reluctantly relented with a surrendered sigh and slump of his shoulders. Hinata and Haku gave a brief look of apology.

Tayuya snickered. "Some man you are."

Naruto gave a low growl but shrugged the comment away. She always did this, so he didn't mind all that much. It was Anko he was worried about, since she hadn't stopped grinning in his direction. He gulped as the snake woman stepped closer and did her trademark hanging off one of his shoulders seductively. "Now, Now, Naru-chan. Are you telling me that you don't have certain... _urges?_" The way she traced a finger up his spine as she said that made him shudder.

Naruto, either too frightened or flustered to use his voice, rapidly shook his head. This brought on a familiar though unwanted reaction.

"Kawaii! You're so cute when you're like that Naru-chan." Anko hugged him from behind, rubbing her cheek against his. To his growing ire, she was purposely pressing her ample bosom against him. Her grin widened when she saw that he was sweating.

Shizune took notice of the poor boy's predicament and decided to step in to help. "Anko-san, you're making him uncomfortable."

Anko faced her with a cheeky grin, arms still encircled around the younger boy's waist. "You want some too, Shizu-chan? Don't worry, I'll share."

"W-Wha!?" The medic-nin blushed madly at the implications.

Seeing that this was going to get way awkward, Naruto immediately excused himself. He sprinted off to to his bathroom, relieved that it wasn't locked like the one downstairs. For good measure, he locked it, letting a out a breath of relief after hearing the resounding click of the locks in place.

"Hmm?" A female voice sounded from behind him. '_Kami, I humbly ask that when I look back, there is no one there and I have only imagined Ayame's voice in my head._'

Slowly he turned his head to face the intruder. The sight of a rather attractive girl with long light-brown locks greeted him, gazing curiously at him from his bathtub.

With nothing to clothe her or hide her modesty except the small wisps of mist that were coming from the hot waters she was washing herself in.

Ichiraku Ayame smiled and waved in greeting. "Hi, Naruto."

**_Clamp! Click! Slam!_**

And he was out of the room like a bat out of hell. In addition, his respect for the usually merciful Kami had dropped a bit.

"Would you guys please ask if you wanted to use my bathroom? Or at least warn me if someone is!?" He shouted with a red face.

"Aww... What's wrong, Naru-chan? Didn't like it?" Anko said teasingly.

"It's not like that!" He started to vigorously claw at his scalp in his irritation. He needed a nice hot bath to calm down but considering that the facilities required were occupied at the moment, he just opted to get some sleep.

Easy, if you didn't have a group of girls using your bed.

"Say..." He began, drawing closer to the group to get their attention. "When will you guys be leaving?"

"Why do you ask? Is it because you don't want us to be here anymore, Naru-chan?" The purple-haired Tokubetsu Jounin made a playful pout, trying to appear hurt.

The blond boy rubbed his temple tenderly. "It's not that. It's just that it will be getting late soon and I really, _really_, need some sleep right now."

Ino took this as a cue to speak up. "We would go home, but..." She stood from her place on the enormous bed and strolled over to the windows, pulling away the curtains to reveal a rather heavy downpour of rain. How he hadn't noticed that a while ago, he had no clue. Probably due to his exhaustion.

Ino continued, flipping her light blonde hair a little to the side. "As you can see, we can't just leave now. The others had been lucky enough to have left a little earlier than we did, before the storm came."

Naruto felt something call to him from the back of his mind. Being a ninja for most of his life had developed this sense of sorts, an evolved sort of intuition, one that he dubbed as his 'Danger Sense'. Right now, it was going off like crazy, practically screaming at him. With a nervous gulp, he voiced a question he knew he was going to regret. "S-so... What'll you guys do now?"

The dark-haired Tsuchi Kin smirked, mimicked by Sakura. "We'll be staying her for the night, of course. Hope you don't mind."

At that point in the movie, the hero had been stabbed with a very rusty, very painful looking dagger. _Hard_. There was a shout of bloody murder, followed by the said protagonist's anguished screams of pain.

"That's gotta hurt..." TenTen winced as the hero succumbed to his sad fate.

* * *

A/N 

Heh. Just something that came up in my head.

Read and review as always.

And if you hadn't caught it by now, I have two other Naruto stories:

**Windows to the Soul:  
**NaruHarem fic with Naruto raised by a stranger.

**Something About Naruto:  
**Crack fic with nearly everyone Naruto meets falling in love with him, regardless of gender!

... I have a very weird mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

**_"I am not Submissive!"_****_  
_**_by Chronos Astral_

* * *

The whiskered blond thought back to the challenges and trials he had faced as a ninja, the worthy adversaries he stood firmly against, without hesitation and with unyielding resolve. Orochimaru, Akatsuki, he had stood against them and his many other enemies, unrelenting and unwavering, and he always pulled through in the end. But there were things that even his strength and endurance could not possibly hope to contest.

And they were in his bedroom that very moment.

The girls had made themselves at home to the extent of nearly neglecting the fact that he owned and lived in the place. Many of them had taken to either conversing about whatever topics girls were fascinated in (the world of a woman is much too complex for a guy to comprehend), entertaining themselves with his newly purchased gaming console wired up to his brand-new television set, or taking unnecessarily long warm soaks in his new bathtub. Thankfully, he was given his own turn to bathe, and outright refused _any_ and _all_ offers to join him.

His unwelcome female company had also taken a rather fond liking to the pleasant comfort of his bed, thus whatever activity they wanted to do, they did it on the luxury of his cozy mattress.

Which, by some ill twist of fate, Naruto was already trying to sleep in and despite the significant expanse of his bed, it couldn't really hold all of them unless they were to group together uncomfortably close.

Which they did.

So here the blond jounin was, sandwiched and trapped in the middle of his female friends and comrades. Their noise didn't bother him as much as their contact. Hands, arms, legs, and _other_ body parts were brushing against him every which way. Being a male, this would have been more than welcome, but he also prided himself on his chivalry, and thusly felt it all too be agonizingly awkward and uncomfortable.

At one point, a few of them had decided to lie down, but in doing so, they used his body as a pillow. Imagine his surprise (and utter discomfort) of having Ino gently lay her head on his chest with Ten-Ten doing the same on his right thigh. He also didn't notice how Temari had somehow came up from behind him and pulled him closer to her, pressing her body onto his back to support it, and continued her conversation with the other girls as if nothing happened. Haku had taken one of his arms and pulled it onto her lap, absently massaging his muscles with her smooth fingertips. Hinata had taken a strange unconscious interest in the blond's foot and traced her fingers in between each toe and up and down his soles, making him shiver. All in all, a scene that could pretty much fill up half of an entire Icha Icha book, should the perverted author have borne witness to it.

They seemed to be comfortable being close to him, to the point where skin contact didn't bother them (It was practically _ encouraged_!). It's like they knew he wouldn't try anything risqué or they were provoking him to. I mean, they weren't exactly reluctant in invading his space, if their 'snuggling' wasn't any indication. They were pretty much _ molesting_ him as it was!

'_Gah! Bad thoughts! No! No! I'm gonna kill **Ero-Sennin** for planting these ideas in my head!_' Naruto internally swore to someday brutally maim his perverted teacher.

It was at that moment that Kin chose to sit on a _certain part_ of his body. While she wasn't in any way heavy (Thank _ **Kami**_ for that!), the implications of the small act weighed heavily on his libido (figuratively and literally), making him flush and do his best to resist squirming lest he _graze_ against her even more. He didn't need to. Kin didn't seem mindful or caring of where she sat, and moved about on her 'seat' during her discourse with the other girls.

'_I hate you so much, Kami..._'

* * *

"Uhh... Hey..." Naruto had somehow, after what seemed like hours of battling natural male stimulation with sheer willpower, found the voice to speak up. "You guys... aren't seriously going to spend the night here... Are you?"

Temari craned her neck from Naruto's back, pressing her own body even further onto him, to face him. She put on a playful smile and responded. "Of course we are, Naruto-kun. You can't expect us to go out there in the storm, do you? Many of us don't exactly live very close and we'd rather not catch a cold."

The proximity of her face to his made her warm breath tickle his cheek, almost causing his resolve to falter. "B-but... You don't have any clothes to change into..."

Anko approached from the side, finally giving up on her venture of trying to find any 'adult' things that Naruto might possess, and gave a sultry grin. "It's alright, Naru-chan. I'm sure you have some spare clothes. Besides, I sleep in the buff."

"Wh-what!?" His face turned from red to pure crimson at a speed that rivaled Hinata's own blush.

"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll keep me warm tonight," Anko narrowed her eyes and licked her lips provocatively.

Naruto tried to appeal to reason. "But I have a spare bedroom! You can all just sleep there!"

Ino turned her head from his chest to intervene. "That's no fair, Naruto. This is the better bedroom."

"Then I'll be the one sleeping there then!" Reason turned to panic.

"N-no, Naruto-kun," Hinata gushed, nervously fiddling with his toes. "We wouldn't w-want to impede on you anymore than we a-already are. W-we'll just sleep w-with... with y-yo..." She trailed of, mumbling incoherently and blushing red.

"I think," Shizune cut her off to save her the embarrassment, having finished her round of video games for the day. "What Hinata is trying to say is that you don't have to sleep anywhere else. I'm sure we'll find some suitable clothes to sleep in. That is, if you have anything in your wardrobe that isn't orange."

"But why do you have to sleep in _my_ bed?" He whined.

"Because it's _really comfy_." Ten-Ten answered absently, latching a little closer to his thigh and nearly drifting to sleep.

Panic turned to complete utter surrender.

'_Resolve... faltering..._'

* * *

The group passed the hours in subtle pleasantries, watching a few movies and playing a few rounds of video games. Naruto had, at some point, given in and found himself somehow enjoying the girls' prolonged company. He participated in a few sessions of gaming himself, though he'd have been more focused on the game if Tayuya hadn't exchanged places with Temari and watched the match pressed on his back, and if Hanabi and Ayame weren't reclining their heads on his lap.

'_Must... focus... on something else... Do not... think about women..._'

Tayuya shifted a little, elevating herself on her knees, to get a better view of the game. This made her assets brush upwards and rest onto the nervous blond's shoulders.

'_Crap! Focus, Damnit! Fight it!_'

He ignored the redhead that was distressingly abreast (no pun intended) to the back of his shoulders and put his entire mind to the screen in front of him. Or he would have if Sakura did not approach him from the side and leaned against him, resting her head on his arm. Somehow, the sleeve of her shirt had drooped without her knowing and it exposed the delicate skin of her entire right shoulder in a suggestive manner. Naruto was too distracted with trying to avert his eyes from the sight.

'_Aaargh! Damn eyes! Just look at the monitor! Nothing else!_'

He resolved not to remove his eyes from the screen for even a second, thinking that it would help. It didn't, as Ayame had pushed her head further into his lap and buried her head in between his legs, drifting to sleep.

'**You lose! Game over!**'

The screen blared red and condescendingly announced his defeat. He would have paid attention to it, if not for him passing out with a subtle nosebleed.

* * *

The girls managed to revive the blond from his stupor, though in all honesty, he had wanted to remain unconscious all throughout the entire day. After feigning sleep for what felt like an hour, their relentless nudging forced him to just give up and open his eyes.

His eyes met a gaggle of scantily clad girls in what appears to be their nightwear. That is, if you could call loose-fitting button-up shirts, white sleeveless tops, and underwear nightwear at all.

'_This is a dream._' Naruto deduced in deluded hope. '_This is all a really bad dream, and I want to wake up now. Someone pinch me..._'

As if answering his mental command, a pair of fingers came up to his behind and gave it a firm pinch.

"Yeow!" Naruto jumped from the sudden jolt.

"Told you that would wake him up." The perpetrator, Anko, gave a Cheshire grin, as the poor blond rubbed his sore bottom.

He glared at her. "Was that really necessary?"

She shrugged non-chalantly. "Woke you up, didn't it?"

"And what's more..." He faced all the girls that were looking at him curiously and thrust an accusing finger at them all. "Why are you wearing those!?" He exclaimed, referring to their clothing, or more specifically their lacking of said clothing.

"Some of these were all we could find in your wardrobe." Ino shrugged, pulling a little at the oversized tank top that threatened to show more of her cleavage.

"The rest of us just settled for our underwear." Said Tayuya, sporting her red undergarments without a care. "Though we had to convince Anko to do the same. Wasn't easy."

Anko posed seductively at him and winked, showing her black lingerie complete with garter stockings. "What do you think Naru-chan?"

Some part of Naruto's mind had shut down from the amount of skin he had just seen, and all he could do was gape and blush madly. They giggled and smirked at his expression.

"Well, I don't know about you guys," Ten-Ten addressed them all. "I'm kind of tired of all these video games."

"What should we do next?" Haku inquired.

"I believe it's time for us to turn in for the night." Hanabi suggested, glancing at the clock mounted on the wall.

"Yes! Finally!" Elated, Naruto immediately flopped himself back onto the bed, and shut his eyes. Or he would have if Temari hadn't stopped his head from landing on his pillow. She had placed the back of his head right on her chest and held onto him to stop him from escaping.

"Who said we were going to sleep right now, Naruto-kun?" Temari teasingly rubbed his whiskered cheek, as if berating a little boy.

"B-but... We have nothing else to do..." Naruto tried to argue, but he was slowly being swayed with each gentle stroke.

The sand kunoichi nodded to Sakura, giving her the signal. The pinkette wandered over to the light switch, dousing the fluorescents of their illumination, and blanketing the room in darkness.

"So we _are_ going to sleep?" Naruto asked almost pleadingly. Somehow, he felt that whatever scheme they were devising, it was sure to work against him.

"No. It's just something we girls do on a sleep-over." Ino clarified, catching on to what they were planning.

"And that would be?"

Hinata gasped, also catching on, and blushed. "W-we... ch-chat..."

"You _chat_?" Naruto asked, as if expecting something a little more life-threatening on his part. "Then what was the point of turning off the lights?"

"If you must know," Ayame grinned, in an un-Ayame like way. "The cold that you air-conditioner is giving, along with the lack of light, sets the mood for more... _intimate_... topics." She was right. The cold of the room mixed with the darkness of night, gave a lulling, light-headed sensation that he, much to his chagrin, was already starting to feel.

"_'I-intimate topics'_?" He repeated, already feeling his danger senses prickling at the back of his head.

They all nodded simultaneously smiling, grinning, smirking, or blushing.

Natural male inhibition and curiosity swerved past his barrier of self-control, leading him to ask a very stupid question. "Topics such as?"

Anko grinned widely, making him sweat more and more in her scrutiny. At that point, his danger senses were on critical levels.

"Have you ever had sex, Naru-chan?"

A nonexistent blare of alarm, resounded within his mind.

**Danger: Hormone Levels on Critical Mass!**

**Brain activity down to 64.1 Percent!**

**Level 10 Emergency! **

**Available Contingency Plans: None**

**Chance of Survival: 0.9 Percent**

**Unable to run command 'runlikethebuggery. cmd'**

**Recommended course of action: Give in (Chance of Success: 94.8 Percent)**

**Alternate course of action: Mate (Chance of Success: 84.6 Percent)**

**Chosen course of action: Resist (Chance of Success: 1.4 Percent)**

**Executing...**

**Estimated time of failure: 1 min 30 sec**

* * *

A/N

Godspeed with you Naruto.

What can I say. I'm a strange, evil, perverted individual. (not like any of you aren't)

Suggestions are welcome.

Got a new fic going too:

**_The Dreamer_**  
- Possible harem wherein Naruto seeks companionship and love by traversing through the plane of dreams to connect with those who were precious to him.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

**_"I am not Submissive!"_****_  
_**_by Chronos Astral_

* * *

For the citizens of Konoha, there was a sense of peace and tranquility that followed in the brink of night, brought upon by the undisturbed silence and the dark that blanketed its subtly lit streets. People, young and old, take refuge into the quiescent sanctity of their homes and into the inviting warmth of their beds, ready to end the affairs of the day with peaceful slumber.

But far off from the tranquility, into another section of the vast village, was one lone house. Various loud exclamations and curses were evident from a good distance, along with the sounds of a struggle. Many would have batted an eye or raised a brow to the commotion, if they weren't fearful of approaching the residence. From what they could hear from within, they had good reason to be scared. But if they listened closely enough, which was what most ninja did upon closer inspection of the noise, it was a near-identical reminiscent scene in a certain orange book that most men would have killed for.

Unfortunately, Uzumaki Naruto wasn't most men.

"No! Let go! Get off! Gah!" Said blond screamed hysterically, obviously trying his best to resist his attackers.

"Just give in will ya!" A purple-haired Tokubetsu Jounin by the name of Mitarashi Anko didn't relent to her prey's pleas and continued her assault. "Hold him down!"

"We're trying!" Shizune held firm to her grip on Naruto's shoulder, though it was slowly becoming a harder endeavor with each passing second. They had to admit, boy had a great deal of strength and will to be able to struggle like this.

"Be a man, Naruto!" Sakura scolded from his side, pushing his waist down without her chakra-enhanced strength in fear of breaking the bed.

"Shit, this ain't working!" The former Sound-nin, Tayuya, cursed at the blond's amazing resilience. She turned her head to the heavily blushing Hyuuga Hinata who was too busy gawking and blushing at the skirmish before her. "Oi Hinata! Be useful and distract him!"

The brunette squeaked from the sudden command that cut her mind from some unsavory thoughts. "H-how am I supposed to do th-that?"

"You're a girl! He's a guy! Be creative!" Tayuya shouted once again, and proceeded to restrain the blond's flailing foot.

With the implications of those words, the unsavory thoughts came back in full force. The poor Hyuuga heiress squirmed uncomfortably, unsure of what to do. Well, in reality she already had several ideas, some of which involved the use of rope to 'properly restrain' him.

"Hinata! Hurry up already! He's going to get away!" Tsuchi Kin, also former Sound-nin, was losing her grip on the Naruto's arm, and was visibly tiring from the exertion.

With a gulp and nod of resolution, Hinata crawled closer to Naruto to set her plan in motion. While it was no far cry from her many nightly fantasies about her blond beloved, at least it didn't involve the act of jumping and savagely ravaging afterwards. Or at least she _half_-hoped it didn't. "Naruto-kun..." She whispered a little too huskily than she had wanted directly into his ear. It was as much taxing to her libido as it was his. "Calm down..."

She stuck her tongue out suggestively and trailed it from the bottom of his cheek, across the whisker-like ridges that adorned it, and ended it onto the lobe of his ear, lapping with both hesitation and withheld lust. For good measure, she nibbled softly on the lump and pursed her lips on it before backing away.

It worked all too well as Naruto froze.

Incidentally, so did Hinata, who was torn between excitement and mortification. At least she didn't faint, but she also developed an involuntary habit of licking her lips.

"Good job Hinata." Ino gave her a thumbs up in approval, despite how erotic the shy girl's action seemed. It was effective, to say the least, since the blond was completely devoid of any signs of movement. If Shizune and Sakura weren't here to properly confirm it, they'd have thought he'd gone brain-dead. "Now come on Naruto, get out of your jeans, its going to be uncomfortable if you wear it in your sleep."

At long last, the girls were able to unbuckle the belt that held his pants to his waist, and slid them off his person, revealing to them his black boxers. Truthfully, they only interrogated him to see him with such provocative queries to tease him and see him squirm. When they saw that Naruto was growing extremely uncomfortable being asked really awkward and suggestive questions (which he avoided answering like the plague), they believed he was just feeling a little too warm underneath the covers and '_innocently_' they suggested to have him remove his pants to make him feel cooler and more cozy. They only thought he was being a baby when he resisted with fervor.

They didn't seem at all too affected at how the blond was showing a little more skin than he should and weren't all that aware of the implications of their actions to the casual observer. Naruto certainly did.

Even as we speak, the inner-workings of his mind were on emergency levels comparable to nuclear power plants on imminent meltdown. Blaring alarms and all.

**Danger: Hormone Levels Past Crisis Levels!**

**Sources:  
Skin Exposure (Both of Host Body and Nearby Females)  
Female Oral Contact  
Highly-Suggestive Themes**

**Brain activity down to 47.1 Percent!**

**Hormone suppression counter-measures ineffective!**

**Urge to mate rising!**

**Connecting to Morality... Could not open connection to the host, on port: Connect failed**

**Suggested Course of Action: Mate like an angry cheetah (Chance of Success: 91.0 Percent)**

**Alternate Course of Action: Mate like an angry tiger (Chance of Success: 90.9 Percent)**

**Chosen Course of Action: Shut down**

**Executing...**

**Shutting down...**

**Saving user settings...**

And with that, Naruto promptly flopped onto the bed unconscious for the second time that long winding day, trying to settle his overheating mind.

* * *

After many minutes of system cool down, the gears slowly whirred into operation once again.

**Loading System Functions...**

**Loading User Settings...**

**Brain Activity back at 90.1 Percent**

**Hormone Levels Stable**

**MindSpam-Blocker has blocked the following suspicious file/s: 'UnlimitedPowerOneTimeOnlyOffer. ad' from host '9TKitsune'**

**Consciousness Enabled.**

**Welcome to Reality Mr. Uzumaki**

Trying to ignore the unintended rhyme made by the immaterial voice that represented his mind, Naruto's eyes fluttered open meeting the darkness of his bedroom ceiling. The distinct ring of voices were echoing in his ears, but the dreariness of his brief languor had yet to give his brain the time to properly sort out his senses. From what he could hear, the voices were female and eerily familiar. He caught snippets of their conversation, barely making out the words 'submissive', 'cute', and 'eat' being used in a tone of endearment. While he had no idea what connection those words had, he was pretty sure they were directed at him for some reason.

Reality caught up with the boy after a few moments and he remembered where he was and, to his utter displeasure, whose company he was in.

'_Those girls..._'

Repressing the risqué memories that threatened to surface in his mind's eye, the metaphysical gears installed in his brain were finally back in full operation and he could properly perceive the matter at hand. He regretted it with every fiber of his being.

He found himself in an all-too-familiar situation; sandwiched between the bodies of half-naked kunoichi and one ramen-stand girl. As usual, they used him as a flesh pillow, clinging, reclining, sitting on, and playing with his body like a cuddly teddy bear. There was _way_ too much _warmth_ and creamy _softness_ everywhere, an obvious byproduct of being smothered by females, and the way the girls' bodies were in the way made it difficult for him to tell who was where. But he could certainly _feel_ them everywhere. In fact, one of them (he didn't know who) was lying underneath him, pressing her breasts to the back of his head unknowingly serving as his pillow and resting her own head in his hair with her arms wrapped around his neck.

While it was certainly an unpleasant (or if he were honest with himself, _pleasant_) predicament, their current topic wasn't helping his state of mind either.

"Naruto-san is so cute when he sleeps." Haku commented, thinking that the boy was still asleep. She rested her head on his shoulder, eying the boy with soft scrutiny and a hint of fondness. The boy thought it best to continue the illusion of him sleeping lest he incur another string of embarrassing questions. The dark easily disguised his eyes from the need to have them closed.

"What shampoo does he use?" The distinct voice of Sakura said through his hair, taking a whiff of his smooth blond locks, gently stroking his scalp all the while. "It smells nice..."

**Warning: Brain activity down to 89.2 Percent**

Naruto felt a soft hand smoothly run up his arm, taking in its unwrinkled skin. "His skin is so smooth. Even for a ninja..." Hanabi absently murmured in wonder and slight envy. The younger Hyuuga lifted it by the wrist and rubbed her cheek against his forearm. "So soft. It could easily rival that of the Hyuuga females. Nee-sama, come feel it."

Another hand came to rest on his neck, slipping into the collar of his shirt to get a better feel of his right shoulder. He had little control over the shivers he felt at the tender fingers that glided across his shoulder and neck. "Y-you're right... Naruto-kun's skin feels s-so silky..." Hinata hummed, she herself shaking at the very thought of touching the boy. What the girl didn't know was that her hands were just as supple as his own skin and thus made her rhythmic caresses so enticingly titillating.

**Warning: Brain activity down to 75.7 Percent**

'_Kami I don't know how I'm going to last much longer..._'

In that instant, the already slumbering Ten-Ten had taken his free hand and hugged it to her face, trailing it with doting kisses. As if Kami thought that wasn't enough of a test to Naruto's will, the girl's pecking quickly evolved to hungry lapping, where her tongue started to slide slowly and tantalizingly on his palm. The bun-haired weapon mistress's lips came up to his twitching forefinger, which she, after some teasing nipping and licking, began to suck on like a pacifier. Or, at least he _hoped_ she thought it was a _pacifier_. The image of it being _ something else_ was just... Oh snap, he just had the mental image.

**Danger: Brain activity down to 61.1 Percent!**

'_C-crap..._'

"How cute..." Anko gushed at Ten-Ten's ministrations and the Hyuuga sisters' fondling, but it left her a little wanting as well. "I wanna try..." Being a playful woman at heart, Anko felt no shame in lifting the blond boy's shirt and nestling her head lovingly in his stomach. The presence of chiseled muscles were lacking, an oddity for a profession that has you constantly training, but that made it soft to the touch. Like a cat, she nuzzled her face in his midsection, relishing in how incredibly feathery it felt, and gave his navel a flirtive lick which made Naruto's toes curl in defiance to the stimulation of having his stomach exposed to the cold and cuddled like a marshmallow.

**Danger: Brain activity down to 53.5 Percent!**

'_You can fight this, Naruto! You've been through worse!_' He mentally berated himself, trying to sort out and block all these strange and oh so inviting sensations. '_Think different thoughts! Like... Like ramen! Yeah ramen!_'

**Brain activity recovered by 55.0 Percent**

'_Sweet tasty ramen... miso, chicken, beef... mmm... ramen..._'

**Danger: Brain activity down to 54.5 Percent!**

'_Okay, that's not working... I know! Gai going commando!_'

**Danger: Brain activity down to 50.1 Percent!**

'_Blargh! Kami! The mental image! Son of a b-_'

"Oi, what are you doin'?" A suspicious blonde, namely Temari, spotted with some interest the Tokubetsu Jounin's little cuddle fest with the Jinchuuriki. The purple-haired woman smirked and shrugged, continuing her little session. Naruto found some hope in the situation. Maybe Temari had some regard for decency and personal space?

"Move over." That hope was effectively stomped on right afterwards. The kunoichi of Sand and sister of the Godaime Kazekage placed herself over his belly in the same manner as the older woman though not actually going as far as to start lapping him up like a chunk of sugar, which was a small bit of relief... At least if her breasts weren't pressed right on his waist.

**Danger: Brain activity down to 41.2 Percent!**

Now Naruto knew that at this point, it would have been justifiable for him to start panicking. The mental torture was starting to tear away at his mind and morals and with the chaos that is his current mental stability, he knew that _it_ would be surfacing soon.

'_**What are you waiting for?**_' Speak of the devil.

Now this voice was something Naruto had been meaning to avoid throughout the entire ordeal. Whenever the incorporeal gauge that represented his brain's functionality went lower than 45 Percent through '_immoral_' reasons, this particular apparition would provoke him into giving in to the temptation, irregardless of the consequences. Naruto had a small inkling that it could be the product of Kyuubi's influence, had it not sounded almost exactly like Jiraiya.

'**_Look, they're all over you, practically begging you to take them._**' The Jiraiya-like conscience chided him, taking a tone as if to gesture the wondrous scene before the boy. The hands invading his personal space and the amounts of skin exposed and squashed onto him like the supplest of pillows. '**_Hell, they're  molesting you. Might as well return the favor eh?_**'

'_I can't do that! It's not right!_'

'_**Hey, neither is groping an unwilling individual but what's stopping them?**_'

'_They're just being playful!_'

'_**Oh they're playing alright...**_' The voice giggled in a way similar to a certain perverted Sannin's own. Somehow it made Naruto even more aware of how Hinata and Hanabi were still snuggling with his arms and upper torso, how Haku was now nuzzling against his neck whilst tickling his ears and cheek with her warm breathes, how Sakura had fallen asleep tugging some of his hair with her lips, and how Anko and Temari were now feeling his waist up with their bodies. Then he noticed how Ayame and Tayuya had had drifted off on his leg with his knee dangerously close to Ayame's forbidden areas and his foot was somehow lodge in between Tayuya's ample assets. Lastly, Ino, Kin, and Shizune were teamed up with his other leg, clutching and clinging to the exposed skin of his leg like a life-pole. It didn't help that Ino was drooling on his thigh.

**Danger: Brain activity down to 31.2 Percent!**

**Hormones In Extreme Overload!**

'**_You can't keep this up, you know. You're going to have to give in sooner or later. So just be a man and do them already!_**'

'_I can't! They trust me this much as to **not** do what you want me to!_'

'**_They so totally do want you to!_**'

'_I don't care what you think! Uzumaki Naruto is not a pervert and **he never will be**! I always keep my promises so you better believe it!_' He ended his mental tirade with a convicted puff of his chest, proud of himself for having fought his male urges.

'_**... You fail at life...**_'

'_Shut up... I'll last the night with my virginity intact, I swear it._'

A task easier said than done, if Temari didn't shift her body atop his boxers. Naruto thanked Kami that she was asleep otherwise she'd have felt _something _poking her on her stomach.

**Danger!!!: Hormone Levels On Imminent Meltdown!!!**

**Brain activity down to 22.9 Percent!**

**Mating Instincts Overwhelming Brain Central Thought!**

**All your brain are belong to us!**

**You are on the way to lost virginity!****  
**

'_What you say!?_' Wait... What?

**You have no chance to survive!  
**

**Make your time!**

**Take off all Naruto! For Great Justice!****  
**

**Suggested Course of Action: Mate Mate Mate Mate MateMateMateMateMateMateMateMateMate (Chance of Winning at life: 999.99 Percent)  
**

**Alternate Course of Action: Take Suggested Course of Action (Chance of Success: 'Hit it like the Tail of an Angry Biju!' Percent)**

**'_Oh Hell. Are you going to do what I think you're going to-_' **

**Chosen Course of Action: Resist (Chance of Success: 0.2 Percent)**

**Executing...**

**'_You pussy..._'**

* * *

A/N

o.o

-.-

O.o

I think it's the fact that I'm doing this 11:00 pm on a school night is what made the ending a little... God I can't even bother finding the right word to describe it.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this. Review as always. Me need sleep now.

Edit

And after a day of rest I managed to correct a few things, with thanks going to the reviewers **NarutoS2Harem** and **Tama Saga **for pointing them out. Also thanks for the suggestions and ideas for the edited bits by **Kuno-Baby** and **encyser**.

Thanks for the reviews and positive comments.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

_**"I am not Submissive!"  
**__by_ _Chronos Astral_

* * *

**Ding! Dong!**

A groan of irritation and defiance sounded in the dark, trying its hardest to ignore the electronic ring of the doorbell.

**Ding! Dong!**

Hesitantly, a subdued male voice came to address his company. "Uh... I should probably get that..." Said male attempted to sit up from the tangled mass of sheets, pillows, and human bodies, but was immediately dragged back down into the bedding.

"Just ignore it." Another voice, female now, ordered in a tone that held no mood for argument.

**Ding! Dong!**

The male spoke again. "I think it's important, since it's so late in the evening." He reasoned, hoping that they would buy it.

A brief pause later and a small growl of resignation, the females that had been awaken from the disturbance reluctantly granted him a small reprieve. They shifted about, giving him room to stand, all pouting slightly at the small loss of warmth. The young man emerged, both relieved and yet frustrated at the same time. Scowling, he stumbled over to the door, weary from both physical and mental fatigue. It wasn't to say that he wasn't thankful for the small distraction; in fact, he was all too happy that he was given some time to regain his hormonal bearings. The dark voice that had been egging him on was slowly eroding from his mind whilst his brain slowly geared back into full mental capacity.

When his hand was on the doorknob, a teasing voice beckoned to him. "Hurry your cute little butt back, y'hear?"

And he scampered out the door as fast as he could.

'_Anko..._' Naruto thought darkly, visualizing said purple-haired dango-lover snickering mischievously.

* * *

Hyuuga Neji was _not_ having a good day. No sir, not at all.

At 11:00 pm, his peaceful slumber (and dreams of single-handedly toppling the Hyuuga Main Family) was interrupted by a fellow Branch Family member, telling him of an order made directly by Hyuuga Hiashi himself: To locate and retrieve his two absent daughters, Hyuuga Hanabi and Hyuuga Hinata. Failure was _not_ an option, and if the two girls were to have had any kind of harm to befall them, it would be on Neji's ass.

After a trying ordeal of getting up from bed at that late an hour, giving up combing his hair and leaving it in a wild tangled mess, searching the many districts of Konoha, Byakugan activated, for any sign of his AWOL cousins, effectively scaring the few wakeful masses with his disheveled ghastly appearance (made scarier by the bulging veins of his bloodline), once or twice spurring a mob of would-be exorcists that he would need to outrun, and finally finding out of the party that the two girls had attended at Naruto's new house, located _all the way on the other side of Konoha_, it wasn't a far-off assumption to think that Neji was considering the idea of pounding a certain blond's hollow head into mush then dissolving said mush into Hiashi's morning coffee. The thought served to calm him just a little bit.

Currently, he stood before the fine wooden door that was the entrance to Naruto's house, pissed beyond reason, and entertaining the thought of ringing the doorbell once more, only repeatedly and in quick annoying succession. Giving respect to his fellow-man and comrade, he had deactivated his Byakugan to preserve Naruto's privacy, but that thought was giving away to his irritation. He was _clearly __**not**_ in the mood for this.

The sounds of approaching footsteps from within the household reached his trained ears and he stood straighter as to appear more presentable in spit of his unruly hair. The door creaked open, revealing the boxer-clad and almost equally disheveled Naruto, inquisitively peeking his head through the opening. "Who'zere?"

"It's Neji. I'm here on the account of Hinata-sama and Hanabi-sam-"

"Neji!!" The Hyuuga prodigy was cut short with a rough tackle to the ground, followed by hysterical yips of elation, courtesy of the blond jounin.

"Get off me!" Neji cried, trying to pry himself from the blond whilst all too aware of the neighboring citizens that had awoken to the noise and have peeked out from their windows. Reports of a noble Hyuuga genius associating in _that_ manner with a blond male jounin out in the open were not something he'd want published to the public. "I said 'get off!'" After a fierce struggle, he managed to remove Naruto off his person, though leaving him even more tousled in appearance. "What's this abou-!?" Then a hand clamped over his mouth.

"Shhh! Are you crazy man!? They'll wake up if you're not quiet!" Naruto whispered fiercely, pulling him closer as to rid the need of raising his voice.

"'They'?" Neji repeated exasperated, massaging his forehead of his forthcoming irritation. "Who is 'they'?"

The blond grabbed both his shoulders and put on a grim face that oozed melodrama. "The _**'Evil'**_!"

"The... 'Evil'?" It was official: Naruto was an idiot. Not that it was anything new.

"Look, there's no time to explain! You have to call the other guys over! I really need your help!" He pleaded feverously, practically begging.

More quizzical looks from onlookers were drawn to the scene and Neji felt even more conscious. "Help with what, Uzumaki?"

In his haste and hectic state of mind in trying to persuade Neji to gather their other friends, Naruto failed to notice the absence of any rainfall.

* * *

"Mind telling us what the hell's going on?" Uchiha Sasuke demanded, trying desperately to soothe the migraine creeping up onto his forehead. The others in his company were inclined to agree in their own way.

Nara Shikamaru sat leaning on a side of a fence, half-asleep and half-irate -- more asleep than irate, and donning what appeared to be plain white pajamas and a sleeping hat with clouds lovingly sewn onto it.

Inuzuka Kiba still lay sleeping on top of the just as tired Akamaru who was trying his best to support his master onto his back while fighting back the weariness of the lack of sleep. The large canine would let out yawns from its great maw that were equally loud and rancid to the smell, much to the displeasure of the others present.

Rock Lee, despite the ungodly hours of the night, was as energetic as ever, evident in his partaking of his patented 'Rise-and-shine' exercise routines. If they hadn't told him to shut up, he would have screamed his usual exclamations of 'Youth', thus waking all within a 10-mile radius. Green also seemed to be a recurrent ensemble as his pajamas looked eerily similar to his usual green spandex.

Akimichi Chouji, though disgruntled at the time, was pacified with a fresh bag of potato chips. He didn't complain since.

The motley crew was gathered around the front yard of Naruto's new home, waiting in growing impatience for… what the hell _were_ they waiting for?

"Hell if I know. Uzumaki told me to call you guys over to his place. Something about a 'big emergency' and a 'matter of life and death'." Neji replied, thoroughly beat from having to call upon the gang on such short notice.

"Hmph. Knowing the _dobe_, it's probably something stupid," Sasuke commented, knowing all too well of his blond teammate's mannerisms. While he _was_ grateful that the blond convinced him to return to Konoha and start a better life, old habits die hard, and calling the blond jounin _dobe_ was still one of them, not to mention treating him like he was an idiot.

"Where are Shino and Sai?" Chouji spoke in between bites of his chips, noticing how the two more introverted/anti-social individuals were absent.

"Sai is a member of ANBU, so where he stays is beyond me… And I don't want to go near the Aburame compound," Neji repressed the urge to shudder at his mentioning of the bug-user clan's home. He swore that there were bugs _bigger than Akamaru_ spawning in there. The others agreed in shuddering unison.

Sasuke spoke up again, trying his best to abate his impatience. "That aside, exactly what are we doing out here?"

"I suppose we'll let Uzumaki answer that." Neji approached the doorway once more, tapping the doorbell.

* * *

**Ding! Dong!**

"Ugh! Again!?" Anko groaned from her side of the Naru - er… bed, sitting up to rub the sleep from her eyes. Some of the other girls reacted the same way, mumbling death-threats to the bastard that was disturbing their sleep.

There was a voice that tried to speak out, but sounded muffled.

"What was that, Naru-chan?"

Naruto freed his face from underneath Haku's body, inhaling as if he had been unable to breath for hours (which wasn't really far from the fact). "I think –_huff-_ that I should get that…"

"No," The purple-haired woman leered at him as she gripped his shoulders to push him back down onto the bed. She hovered over him, giving him a good view of her lingerie-clad body. "Ignore them. I'll go down and take care of it." The dark made it a little hard to see, but Naruto swore that she was grinning in a way that promised to reign in a session of pain and misery on the fools who were dumb enough to cut into her sleep. She seemed to shiver in pleasure at the thought, making Naruto even more uneasy.

The very idea of inflicting pain and drawing blood was always something that excited the purple-haired woman. From experience he learned a very important fact regarding her: An _excited_ Anko was a _horny_ Anko. That was the last thing he needed right now.

'_**Says you.**_ _**I think you need it more than anything.**_' The darker portion of his mind egged him on to pursue the opportunity in fervor.

Naruto mentally spat back at the voice. '_Shut it. Not now. It's probably Neji with the others, so I need to get down there quick._'

'_**As always, it's your loss. I swear, if you didn't have the balls to prove otherwise, I'd have considered you a girl.**_'

Ignoring the jibe at his sexuality, he turned his attention back to the older woman pinning him down onto the bed, wearing a contemplative look on her face as if thinking of a way to induce the utmost pain into her soon-to-be victim/s. It took all his will to focus directly on her face and nowhere _lower_. "Umm… Anko, I think it would be better if _I_ get it."

Anko pouted, lowering her head to nuzzle into his collar bone. She whined in an exaggerated tone. "But _whhyyy_? You went the first time, and I haven't had any _fun_ in a while." The fashion in which she mouthed the word 'fun' didn't sit too well with Naruto. She practically purred into his neck when she did.

"U-uh… Well… It's a-a… an important matter! Yeah that's it." He managed to stutter out, but Anko didn't look too convinced, neither did the others listening in.

Hanabi snuggled closer up to him, and, considering her height, pressed her entire upper-body onto him, with her arms and legs encircling his arm in a firm lock. "What important matter would that be?" She asked, somewhat suspicious of him. Hyuuga's were trained and naturally born to be observant so it was almost obvious to her that he was lying. Though, the blond wasn't necessarily lying as he did consider it to be very vital to his well-being.

The _totally unnecessary_ contact distracted him from his train of thought as Hanabi's maturing body, protected only so slightly by the shirt and shorts she had worn to bed, making contact with the skin of his right arm. "O-oh? Well i-it's ah… really important. Y-yeah. J-jounin business a-and… stuff…"

'_**Veeery**_ _**believable.**_' The blond had to stifle a growl at the sarcastic taunt.

Anko narrowed her eyes but said nothing for a while. This made the poor boy's heart race even faster than it already could from all the physical contact.

**Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong!**

"Hmph. Fine…" She gave in with an exasperated growl, lifting herself from on top of him as to give him space to move. Naruto was all too happy to comply, sitting up from the tangled mass of bodies, much to the groaning displeasure of his female company. "You have five minutes."

"Y-yes ma'am." The blond needed no further encouragement to scurry off downstairs, giving him ample time to control his flaring libido.

The girls watched through partially lidded eyes as their _pillow_ bolted off like a frightened squirrel and out the door. "Hinata-chan. Hanabi-chan." Anko addressed the two Hyuugas in an authoritative manner, giving them the signal to start.

The two blue-haired girls nodded in affirmative.

"_Byakugan_!"

* * *

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

A twitch.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

Another twitch.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

"WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF!?"

Lee recoiled from his upbeat foot-tapping to cower away from the irate Neji. "M-my apologies… But our youthful comrade has yet to return and I worry for whatever threat compels him to summon us."

"Don't get you hopes up." Sasuke grunted in annoyance.

The sounds of the front door clicking open alerted the gathered ninja plus one nin-dog to the direction of the entrance where a disheveled red-faced blond peeked his head out of. Bloodshot blue orbs surveyed their forms as he walked outside, fully reveal himself to them in his ragged, sweaty, and ruffled glory. In a raspy and thoroughly exhausted voice, Naruto gasped out in query. "G-guys…?"

Sasuke raised a brow at his best friend/rival's appearance. "Do I even _want_ to know?"

"Guys, you gotta help me, please!" Naruto begged comically, bowing prostrate before them with tears flowing out of his eyes. He latched onto Neji's foot, much to the Hyuuga's annoyance as he attempted to shake the hysterical blond off.

"You're a jounin, Uzumaki! Show some dignity and get off me!" Neji found the strength to kick Naruto away, relinquishing him of his hold on his foot.

"There's no one else I can turn to, and I sure as hell can't do this on my own!"

'_**I disagree. I'm pretty sure you can handle this by yourself. You just don't want to do it the **__**right**__** way.**_'

"Is this really a matter of life and death or are you just exaggerating the situation, _again_?" Shikamaru asked. If he was to miss ten hours of wonderful sleep, he'd damn well not miss it on ridiculous terms.

"_Yes_!" All raised a suspicious brow at the unconvincing tone he used. "… Okay, maybe it's not _really_ a matter of life and death, but to me-!"

"Goodbye, Naruto." The men began already had their backs turned as they walked away, unconvinced into helping the poor blond (except Lee who was so moved by Naruto's faith and reliance in them that he started another of his Youth rants).

"Wait! Come on! Can't we work something out!?"

They stopped for a while to turn and face him. "What do we gain from helping you then?" The Uchiha demanded in a gruff tone reserved especially for situations that involved the irritating ramen-loving Hokage-aspirant.

"The… erm… satisfaction of helping a close comrade and friend?"

They continued walking.

"Okay, okay! I'll do whatever you want for an entire week! How does that sound!?" Naruto pleaded desperately, already on his knees.

"Tch. Troublesome blond." Shikamaru groaned, lapsing between dream and reality with each blink of his eye. "Though my clan's deer need tending to every now and then, and it's too troublesome for me to wake up early in the morning just to care for them…"

"Sounds like a deal to me. I was getting tired of walking my clan's dogs all the time, not to mention cleaning up after them." Kiba made a feral grin at the proposition.

"Uchiha compound needs cleaning. Karin's been bugging me about it the entire month." Sasuke thought of the benefits of having his fiancé stop nagging him about every dusty nook and cranny in their spacious home.

"The Main Family compound needs cleaning every morning…" Neji also mulled over the proposition. He also still needed to find the whereabouts of his wayward cousins. "What about you Lee?"

"I am happy with the satisfaction of helping my fellow comrade!" Lee exclaimed, fists pumping in a chivalrous inflection. The others rolled their eyes at the predictability that is Rock Lee.

The male company faced Naruto once more, finally willing to help out if their smirks were any indication. "Alright. We're listening…"

As Naruto remembered the reason why he was pleading for help in the first place, the ramen-lover immediately flushed red and started shivering at his vivid recollection of the occupants of his room. Having little will for a thorough explanation he thought it best to just show them.

With the sealing knowledge he had, Naruto managed to set up a small rectangular seal onto the wall of his house. The _**Juumoku**_ _**Gokuin**_ (**All Eyes Seal**), would come in handy in this situation. An ingenious seal recently developed by both Jiraiya and himself; it was mildly similar to the Sandaime's _**Toomegane**_ _**no jutsu**_ (**Telescope Technique**), wherein it allows the user to project a real-time image of whatever he was seeing- real, illusion, dream, or otherwise, onto the seal for others to see. When implemented with the Hyuuga's all-seeing eyes, it made an excellent seal for spying and information gathering.

After an explanation of the seal's functions, Neji bit his thumb to draw blood and smeared it on one side of the box-like seal, slowly revealing the precise image of the Hyuuga's vision. Naruto nodded to Neji to begin. Neji nodded in return and concentrated his chakra onto his eyes with practiced ease. "_Byakugan_!" The familiar bulge of veins appeared on the Hyuuga's face and the image on the seal took on a slight blue hue, signifying the activation of his bloodline. He scanned the building, noting briefly its messy state, and shifted his attention to the bedroom. The room's interior was made visible with the Byakugan and the image was displayed onto the seal for Sasuke and company to see.

The men then erupted into a violent nosebleed.

* * *

A/N

I apologize for the delay. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'd have added more if I could, but with all the hectic crap happening lately I'm not sure if I can keep up with my stories as often as I think I should be.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

_**"I am not Submissive!"  
**by Chronos Astral_

* * *

"Lucky bastard..."

"Those were my cousins! My _cousins_, damnit! The image shall be imprinted in my mind forever!"

"Oh, the unyouth! I must purge my mind with 20,000 laps! PURGE! PUUUUUURRRRRGGGEEE!!"

"Lucky bastard..."

"I'm... You... That was... I'm not even going to say anymore... Damnit _dobe_..."

"There's blood in my chips..."

"Lucky bastard..."

Naruto watched the scene before him in slight wonder, the reactions of his friends being somewhat exaggerated. Kiba retreated to a dark corner, hunched in a depressed and envious aura and cursing the deities for granting Naruto such unbelievable luck. Neji was currently grinding his forehead into the floor, mumbling things like indecency and taboo, with his hands frightfully close to ripping his own eyes out of their sockets. Lee had darted off into the dark empty streets, racing around the entire village, all the while chanting the word 'purge' as if attempting to exorcise a demon possessing him. Sasuke rubbed his head, both in irritation and repressed drowsiness. Chouji fished another bag of chips from his pocket. Shikamaru used his nosebleed to feign unconsciousness and went back to sleep.

With an embarrassed chuckle, Naruto hesitantly started. "Err... So guys..."

"PUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRR-!" Lee interceded briefly as he ran past them, having completed one lap through the neighborhood, and disappearing into the dark once more.

"... You think you can help me out...? Please...?" The blond man pleaded.

"_Dobe_..." The irate Uchiha began, "Why do you need our help with this again...?"

"They... They're driving me insane!!" Naruto exclaimed, comedic tears pouring out of his eyes. "They're tempting me to do things... _Bad_ things! And they're taking advantage of me!!"

Sasuke looked incredulous. "'_Taking advantage of you?_' By _Kami_. What are you, a woman? Get your damn act together, _dobe_."

"-UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-!"

"You don't know what it's like!" Naruto continued, ignoring the green-clad man's continuous chant. "They've all gone crazy! Especially Anko! ... Well not that she was all that right in the head to begin with, but still-!"

"Are they doing this willingly?" Sasuke cut in.

The blond squinted as if not getting the question. "Huh?"

"As in, are they doing this to you to deliberately rouse you?" He elaborated.

"I don't know! Maybe!?"

"Then the answer is simple..."

Oddly, that statement just made Kiba wail even louder, Akamaru growing increasingly worried over the state of his master.

"I-it is?" Naruto stuttered slightly, his hopes rising. "What is it!?"

"-UUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-!"

"Damnit..." Apparently, Lee's continuous outcry had roused Shikamaru, the pineapple-haired man unable to block out the noise any longer. "Troublesome... Just **_tap it_** already."

"Tap... what...?" Naruto analyzed the answer carefully, not quite understanding its full meaning. His perverted split persona beat him to it.

'**_They're telling you to HIT IT HARD LIKE A BULL ON STEROIDS, numbnuts. I am inclined to agree to that suggestion._**'

Mortified at the clarification, Naruto yelped back. "Y-you're not serious!" He turned to his best friend. "Sasuke, what should I do!?"

"_Tap it._" The Uchiha answered.

"Neji!?"

"_Tap it._" The Hyuuga answered, though becoming immediately perturbed at the idea as it also involved his two cousins. '_Must... Unsee... Image..._'

"Lee!?"

"-UUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRR-!"

"Kiba!?"

"Lucky bastard! Don't talk to me!" The distraught Inuzuka snapped back. "I'd have tapped it... But _noooo_... It had to be _Naruto_..."

"Err... Chouji...?"

After a few loud munches and a subtle belch, the Akimichi tapped at his chin. "I'd have to say... _Tap it_..." Satisfied with his answer, Chouji continued to eat.

At a loss for words, Naruto simply stared dumbstruck.

"Well, you heard them, _dobe_. Now grow a pair and get it over with."

"But-!"

"-UUURRRRRRRR-!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, LEE!!" Having snapped from Lee's 'purge' rampage, Neji socked his green-clad teammate in the face, ending his tirade of waking all the village to the sound of his booming voice.

"Ugh... My youthful nose..." Lee moaned in a nasal tone, implying heavy damage to his nose.

"Uh guys..." Chouji interceded with in warning. "The crazy snake teacher's coming outside."

"_**Eh?**_" They all swiveled their heads to their stout comrade, who was pointing at a particular window. The barely concealed silhouette of purple haired woman briefly passed through the thin curtains, towards the direction of the front door.

Sasuke sprang to action. "Quick! Evasive maneuvers!" Briefly forgetting that they were amongst the most elite ninja in the village, the motley crew did what most would do when in a panic.

Dive into the bushes.

_Ninja style!_

Okay... Not exactly.

"Ow! Damn! There're twigs in my hair!" Said bush inhabitant # 1, his long flowing hair getting caught in one of the bush's infernal branches.

"This unyouthful shrubbery has its branches lodged into my eyebrows!" A somewhat similar situation was happening with bush inhabitant # 4, this time, with the malicious plant's branches burying themselves into the infinite depths of its inhabitants well-kept eyebrows.

"Augh! Squirrel!" Bush inhabitant #3 was then, without warning, savagely attacked by one of the hostile bush natives.

"_Woof_!"

"Akamaru! I swear if you take a leak here, you get no bacon for breakfast!"

The stealth bush was apparently able to fully accommodate the gang.

Well... All except one.

"Give me some room, guys!" The lone blond begged, running in place in panic of the ever-approaching Anko. "She's coming closer!"

"Get your own bush!" The leafy make-shift camouflage barked back at the blond.

After many failed attempts to dive into the heavily occupied plant, Naruto froze up when the inevitable sound of the front door opening signaled the end of all hope. "Naru-chaaaaan... Are you done? Come back to bed..." The snake jounin's playful voice sent shivers down the blond's spine. Oddly, the bush went into a snickering fit upon hearing the horribly intimate nickname.

Mitarashi Anko emerged from the house in all her lingerie-clad glory, her eyes narrowed seductively like a lioness ready to pounce. In response, a pool of red liquid inexplicably formed from the base of the bush.

The Jiraiya-like split persona was silent before mumbling darkly. '**_Why again are we not tapping that?_**'

'_Because it would be immoral and improper?_' Naruto answered mentally, though not very convinced himself as he stared at the older woman's form.

'_**... You're a fag, you know that?**_'

'_Shut up..._'

"Lucky bastard..." Bush inhabitant #2 whispered again to himself, shaking his fists and crying at the injustice of it all.

"Who were you talking to, Naru-chan?" The woman languidly paced towards the shivering Naruto.

"A-ah! A-Anko... Ahahaha..." The blond stuttered, trying (and failing) to act inconspicuous. "I-I was just talking to... erm... Konohamaru!" He exclaimed unconvincingly, which Anko raised a suspicious brow to. "Y-yeah. He was just asking me about... erm... the details of this mission... Hokage's orders and stuff..."

"At _1:00am in the morning_?"

"Err... Yes... Said it was... um... _urgent_...?"

"Uh huh..." Anko trailed, scrutinizing her favorite little playmate, before shrugging it off with a grin. "Alright. Now let's get you back to bed. You're going to catch a cold out here." The woman yanked on the collar of the boy's shirt, deliberately pressing him to herself as they retreated back into the lovely abode, ignoring the boy's weak struggle for freedom.

'_Save me!_' He mouthed, hoping that his friends would catch on.

Anko snuck a final cautious glance outside, before shutting the door, leading the distraught Naruto back up the stairs and into the inviting arms of his lovely companions.

After a moment of silence, the men emerged from the bushes, tired, dirty, and covered in leaves. Bush inhabita-err... Neji was only able to emerge halfway as his hair was still in a tangled mess within the thorny confines of the dreaded plant. Lee came out with all sorts of flora sticking out of his massive eyebrows, looking much like an antelope, except with its antlers jutting from the top of its eyes. A squirrel had apparently made a battlefield of the inside of Sasuke's hair, much to his growing eye-twitching ire.

"Well, that's settled..." Shikamaru stated irritably, rubbing at his eyes. "Can we go home now?"

"Ugh... Whatever..." Sasuke grunted, ready to end the day, punting the squirrel out of his hair in the process. Horrified by the act, Lee immediately chased after the nut-devouring critter in the hopes of catching it before it finishes its painful descent.

"Five hundred thousand ryou,"

The amount of money given made them pause a while, their eyes locking onto their big-boned companion.

"Five hundred thousand ryou says he remains clean by the end of the week." The portly Akimichi clarified.

"Naruto's not that stupid, nor does he have that much self-control," Grumbled Shikamaru, the shadow-user ever-anxious to go home and return to his beloved sleep. "He has to give in at some point, and the way those girls look to be going about it," He took a brief pause to cough as the unpleasant images resurfaced in his head. "The guy probably wouldn't even last the night..."

"I think Chouji has a point there, though," Sasuke threw in. "It doesn't take his best friend to know that the _dobe's_ the most stubborn idiot in the entire village. Once he sticks to something, he's stuck to it like flypaper."

"But then, Naruto's a straight guy with functioning male reproductive organs," The genius Nara countered. "And a virgin, s'far as I know."

"Then why not put that to the test?" Chouji encouraged, wearing an uncharacteristically confident smirk.

"I'm in!" Kiba whooped. "While I'm sure the lucky bastard doesn't deserve it, I know he's going to snap. I mean, really? Who would _not_ tap that? Right, Akamaru?"

"Woof!" The towering canine responded in what they assumed was an affirmative.

"I think I'll side with Kiba on this." Neji chimed in, taking out the last remnants of splintered wood from his hair and grimacing in both pain and suppressed anger. "Then when Naruto does give in, Hiashi-sama will have a justifiable reason for me to beat the living shit out of him."

"Troublesome..." If you don't know who just said that, may the heavens smite you with divine lightning. In the shape of deer. Lightning deer. "I'm with Kiba."

"If anyone can do it, it'd be the _dobe_." Sasuke voted begrudgingly. "My bet's on him."

"I do not wish to partake in this unyouthful bet!" Lee exclaimed, having fully recovered from Neji's punch. "I will however, root for Naruto-kun's youthful endeavors to resist the most wicked of temptations! Yosh! Go Naruto-kun! Fight!" So moved was Lee by Naruto's chivalry, that his eyes burst with tears of youth!

Although, it was by that last outburst that a severely irked neighbor stuck his head out of the window of his house and howled at them with a fierceness of a bear disturbed from its slumber. "Would you faggots take your gay talk somewhere else!? Overhearing you talk about another man's sex life is making me sick! I can't get any damn sleep!" When the irate man retreated back into his home, the group stood in disturbed awkward silence...

...

"You know..." Kiba began awkwardly. "I think I'm gonna go home now and get back to sleep... And on the way, think about women... Because I like that... Women, I mean..."

"I think I'll do the same thing..." Shikamaru stated in an equally slow and perturbed fashion. Everyone else nodded their heads likewise, with the exception of Lee, who was...

**_Ding! Dong!_**

Oh boy...

* * *

And here our favorite blond hero was once again, sandwiched in a sea of voluptuous women (the lucky bastard). Due to the many bodies pressed against him in the dark room, the young man felt rather suffocated, especially since that the girls unanimously decided that he would not be allowed to leave the bed again and restricted his limbs to make any attempt impossible, even of a ninja of his caliber.

To Naruto, the minutes went by in hours of restlessness, unable to sleep due to the unmistakable and alluring fragrance of each woman occupying his bed making itself aware to his senses, not to mention the softness of their exposed skin against him. It was driving him mad.

'_Could this get any worse...?_' He asked himself, not knowing that the sentence was a call to irony.

A shuffling could be felt from the surface of the bed, possibly one of the members of his current company trying to reposition themselves in their sleep. It was then that a blackness enveloped his eyesight, not surprising him too much as the room was already dark, but nonetheless had him puzzled for a moment. He felt a tightening at the back of his head, making him realize that he was being blindfolded. Before Naruto had any time to react, however, his mouth was immediately sealed with another pair of lips.

"Mmm!?" He tried to mumble out in surprise, but that only served to encourage his assailant as she deepened the kiss even more, pulling harder on the back of his head to mash her lips closer to his. Horrified, dumbstruck, and severely aroused, Naruto opened his mouth on reflex which only invited his unknown partner to probe her tongue into his mouth, a sensation that was beginning to take complete control of him.

'**_Apparently it _can_ get worse! Or should I say, _****better_!?_**' The dark persona announced with glee, watching Naruto's mental systems grind into a halt.

**Warning!**

**Warning!**

**Hormonal control beyond stable levels!**

**Zero Contingency Plans!**

**Arousal levels rising OVER NINE THOUSAND!!**

**Advised to take evasive counter-r-r-r011101101001001010100101010**

**011011010101011100011001100100100110010101110011**

**...**

**A fatal exception 0E has occurred at 0028:C0011E36 in VXD VMM(01) + 00010E36.  
The current application (chivalry. exe) will be terminated.**

**- Press any key to execute 'givein. exe'  
- Press CTRL+ALT+DEL will restart brain functions. You will lose at life and any unsaved information in all applications.**

**Press any key to continue (to ultimate victory)**

Slowly losing whatever self-control was left him, Naruto gradually gave into the pleasurable ministrations of his very eager partner, putting less of a fight than he had initially wanted to. One of the woman's hands moved away from the back of his head towards his chest, the supple and warm appendage slipping underneath his shirt and longingly rubbing his torso, almost eliciting a moan from him. Naruto felt himself being mounted, the unmistakable weight of a body pressed on top of him, the owner of whom is undecipherable with the lack of sight. The thought of these events escalating into something even further was abruptly interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

_**Ding! Dong!**_

The woman stopped their intense lip-locking and raised herself a bit, assumingly to look towards the direction of the noise, but given Naruto's hazy state of mind, the only thoughts going through his mind were along the lines of 'soft, tasty, and really nice'. The unknown assailant seemed hesitant for a while, before growling slightly in annoyance. Nonetheless, she left him with one last kiss before dismounting herself from his body, leaving the blond bewildered beyond belief (ignore the alliteration).

'_**Damn! So close...**_' The Jiraiya-like persona cursed at the horrendous timing.

With the blond's head still swimming in a daze, he didn't quite catch the collected complaints of his bedmates and how one of them vouched to answer the door. He finalized that, despite not knowing the identity of his very passionate attacker, she was a really good kisser. Those thoughts were the blond's last before he succumbed to the embrace of sleep.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing, Lee!?"

"Saving our comrade like we originally intended!"

"How do you expect to achieve such a thing dressed like that!?"

In reference to the above stated question, the boisterous green-clad ninja had dressed himself in a yellow and red uniform, cap included, in the guise of a pizza delivery man. To further disguise himself, he donned a ridiculously long black mustache and held a box that supposedly contained the cheesy treat he was supposedly delivering. To summarize, he looked ridiculous.

"It is the perfect disguise, is it not!?" Lee proudly stated, stroking his obviously fake facial growth. "The won't suspect a thing!"

"You moron! They'll be coming back now!" Neji protested angrily.

"And thus is the perfect time to strike them while they are unprotected and retrieve Naruto-kun!"

Conspiratorially, Sasuke whispered to Shikamaru. "When we live through this, remind me to kill Lee and the _dobe_."

"Someone's coming!"

"Gentlemen, back into the bush!"

The men retreated back into the depths of the green mass of twigs and leaves, leaving Lee to face the peril of whatever would emerge from the door.

Lee confidently held his ground, even as the eerie foreboding creak of the wooden door grew more apparent as it swung open, revealing-

"We don't f-cking want any! Now piss off!"

-a very agitated redhead, namely Tayuya, garbed in a blue robe so as to shield her figure.

The curses had caught Lee off guard for a moment, but he pressed forward in determination. "A youthful evening to you sir and/or madam! I am the mild-mannered, underpaid, but otherwise very much youthful pizza carrier, here to deliver your order of pizza at any time of the day within 30 minutes or your next order is free!" That said, Lee went into his Nice Guy Pose, teeth sparkle and all.

Within the bushes, bush inhabitant # 1 smacked his forehead.

Tayuya remained silent, somewhat disturbed at the outburst of the alleged pizza delivery man. "... Bushy-brows?" The redhead addressed slowly, recognizing the young man as the annoyingly loud Green Beast of Konoha. "What the f-ck are you doing in the middle of the night dressed like a retard for? Not that your usual attire isn't retarded to begin with."

"I do not know what you mean youthful sir/madam!" He protested, positive that she wouldn't be able to see through his disguise. "I believe that you have me mistaken for someone else, sir/madam that I have never met before, for I am most certainly not the most youthful, dashing, and gallant Green Beast of Konoha! For you see, I work as a simple everyday delivery man! Not to mention these fine bristles of manhood that I possess, hanging upon my upper lip!" In emphasis, Lee began to twirl the ends of his mustache, succeeding in only creeping out the former-Sound-nin even more.

"What the hell ever. We didn't order any damn pizza, Bushy-brows, so sod off before I rip that 'stache off along with your lip!"

"Nonsense! I am positive that you did order a pizza about..." He paused, as if for some dramatic effect, briefly looking over to the occupied bush. "_Now_!!" He exclaimed as if it was a cue. And then, silence...

...

"Was that a cue for something?" Bush inhabitant # 1 asked his roomies.

"Hell if I know. Lee didn't tell us anything about any cue." BI # 3 said with a shrug.

"Aaaaannnnndd... _Now!_" Lee exclaimed again, this time with his finger pointed skyward as if signaling the time to strike.

"... Were we supposed to be involved in the plan?" BI # 4 realized.

"What's he want us to do anyway? Come out and shout incoherently hoping that they'd run away in fear?" BI # 2 stated sarcastically.

"Aaaaaaannndddd..." An even longer pause. "_Now_!" Insert dramatic pose.

No response.

"_Now_!" Insert another dramatic pose.

Silence.

"_Now_!" Insert another dramatic pose.

Crickets.

"_Now! Now! Now! Now!_"

After many the consecutive poses that looked reminiscent of a native dance, Lee was still met with no reaction.

"This is the worst rescue plan ever..." BI # 3 groaned.

With a blink and quirked brow, Tayuya spoke. "Are you constipated or something?"

"My bowels are well, thank you for asking!" He paused again.

...

...

"_Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! No-!_"

"_Shut the **f-ck** up!_" The remnants of her short temper finally lost, the redhead kicked Lee off the front porch, knocking him into the totally inconspicuous bush, revealing the motley crew plus one nin-dog. Realizing that they had been discovered, their faces contorted in utter fear as they saw the unnerving grin of malicious intent form from her lips. Fueled by her intense righteous anger, she stepped closer to them, in her hand, was an intricate-looking flute which she brought to her lips...

* * *

A minute after the incident, Tayuya returned to the crowded room, discarding the robe with careless abandon, once again exposing her red lingerie-clad body, as she climbed atop the massive bed, finding a place to rest on the comatose Naruto's stomach. One of the only other one's awake, Shizune opted to query the girl on the events that transpired. "How'd it go?"

Tayuya responded tiredly before snuggling into her 'pillow'. "I took care of it."

* * *

"HEEEEEELLLLPP!!"

It was no fun being chased by giant monster summons. No sir. Not at all.

The gang of jounin held testament to that fact.

Even as we speak, five of the strongest jounin in Konoha's ranks and a very large canine scampered frantically in the streets, hoping to outrun the towering humanoid beasts that were Tayuya's summons in a comical chase event that would have called for hilarious chase music. Lee had wanted to compensate for that by singing, a feat made impossible by a certain novelty item that had been forcefully removed from his lip and lodged into his throat.

"After this bet is over-!" Sasuke panted, barely jumping away in time of the club that had nearly bludgeoned the lower half of his body. "We kill the _dobe_! Slowly!"

"Agreed!" The rest (minus Akamaru and Lee) shouted in unison.

* * *

A/N

Ye Godz, that was a long update eh? Think you could have waited longer?

Just kidding! Don't hurt me! (Hides in box)

I'm terribly sorry for my many delayed updates, everyone. I'm afraid I've caught MWB (Massive Writer's Block).

I'll get this stuff done eventually, though, I promise!


End file.
